Should You Really Let Your Baby Cry It Out?

If you've ever Googled:

"Should I let my baby cry it out?"

You are definitely not alone.

Few parenting topics feel as emotional or controversial as the cry it out method.

Some parents swear by it.

Others would never consider it.

And honestly?

I can understand both sides.

Because sleep deprivation can push even the most patient parent to their limit.

And when you're surviving on broken sleep, constantly rocking, feeding, and trying everything to get your baby to settle…

Eventually you start wondering:

"Am I doing something wrong?"

Or:

"Do we all just need more sleep?"

What Is The Cry It Out Method?

The cry it out method (CIO) is a sleep training approach where parents allow their baby to cry for a period of time before intervening, with the goal of helping them learn to fall asleep independently.

There are different versions of it.

Some parents do full extinction (allowing baby to cry without checking in).

Others prefer gentler versions, like timed check-ins (sometimes called the Ferber method).

The goal is usually the same:

Helping babies learn to self-settle and sleep longer stretches.

I'll Be Honest — I Tried It

And this is where I want to be completely honest.

I did try it.

And yes…

It worked.

But if I'm being honest?

I found it really hard.

Listening to your baby cry goes against every instinct in your body.

Every part of you wants to go in, pick them up, and comfort them.

And even though it eventually helped with sleep…

It didn't feel good for me emotionally.

That doesn't mean it was wrong.

It just means it didn't fully align with me.

And I think that's okay to admit.

Why Parents Choose Cry It Out

I also want to say this:

I completely understand why many parents choose it.

Because sometimes parents are running on empty.

Sometimes sleep deprivation becomes dangerous.

Sometimes mental health is suffering.

Sometimes you're waking every hour for months.

And sometimes parents simply need sleep to function safely.

That doesn't make anyone selfish.

That makes them human.

I think parenting conversations need more compassion and less judgment.

Because nobody understands your exhaustion except the person living it.

But Is Cry It Out Right For Every Baby?

Honestly?

No.

And I don't think there's one "right" answer when it comes to sleep.

Every baby is different.

Every parent is different.

And every family has different limits.

What works beautifully for one family may feel completely wrong for another.

And that's okay.

Especially in the newborn stage.

One important thing:

Newborns are generally too young for cry it out.

Young babies cry because they need something.

• Food.
• Comfort.
• Warmth.
• Connection.
• Help regulating.

The newborn stage is usually more about responsiveness and support than independent sleep.

Are There Gentler Alternatives?

If full cry it out doesn't feel right for you, there are gentler approaches many parents try instead.

Gradual check-ins
Leaving briefly but returning to reassure your baby.

Pick up / put down
Comforting baby when upset, then trying again.

Gradual withdrawal
Slowly reducing support over time.

Responsive settling
Helping baby sleep while still responding to their cues.

For many families, sleep ends up being somewhere in the middle.

Not fully cry it out.

Not fully contact sleep forever.

Just figuring out what works.

My Honest Take

If I'm being completely honest?

I don't personally love the cry it out method.

I found it emotionally difficult.

But I also understand why exhausted parents try it.

And I don't believe parents should be shamed for making sleep choices that help their family function.

Because parenting is hard.

Really hard.

And most parents are simply trying their best.

Final Thoughts

If you're considering cry it out right now:

Take a breath.

You do not have to follow what everyone else is doing.

You do not have to parent exactly like Instagram says.

And you definitely don't have to feel guilty for wanting more sleep.

There isn't one perfect answer.

Only what feels right for your baby, your family, and your mental health.

Whatever you choose:

You are not failing.

You are an exhausted parent doing your best.

And that counts for a lot. 🤍